chapter two

2.

As it turned out, Mom didn't really have anything planned except a visit to the community nursing home, where my grandfather was living. It was actually nice seeing old Gramps again. I had a certain fondness for the old man. His body wasn't in very good condition, he could barely walk, but on good days his mind was sharp as ever. He loved sharing old war stories with me, and he was a great storyteller.
“You should go on TV, Granddad,” I remember saying to him one day, “People would love to hear all this.”
But he shook his frail head no, saying, “Oh no, I certainly couldn't do that, Shane. People... want...” a cough racked his limbs, but he continued when it passed. “They want... younger... stories. Don't want an old... coot... like me.” I protested him, but deep inside me, I knew he was right.
The visit with Granddad, no matter how fun it was, hadn't done anything about my feelings about the day's assembly. I didn't even tell Mom, knowing already something like how that conversation would go.
“How was school today, Shane?”
“Oh great, I went to all my classes, and at assembly this morning I was nominated for class president.”
“Shane, that's wonderful! Something like this is EXACTLY what you need. It'll help you fraternize with all the other kids. People look up to a president. I remember one year in high school I was president of my class. I gave speeches. It was so fun...”
She wouldn't understand how I felt at all. We were so different, Mom and I. Practically opposites. She was the type of women who would stop someone in the grocery store and ask them if they knew which brand of toilet paper was better. I was the kind of person who would drop dead before even thinking of doing such a thing. No, she wouldn't have any sympathy. And she would probably even volunteer to help on my campaign! I wasn't going to tell her, that was for sure.
So I went up to my room and called R. Good thing we have a cordless phone, I was thinking as the phone rang. He picked up on the 6th ring, just like usual.
“'Sup?”
“Hey R, it's me, Shane.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Out of your mom's clutches? What'd she have you do?”
“Nothing bad. Just visited my grandpa.”
“Oh, that's cool then. You like the old man, don't you?”
“Yeah, he's pretty cool. He told me another war story, but then he wasn't feeling good so he took a nap.”
“Life of the party right there!” I heard him snicker on his end of the line, but I knew that he liked the old man too. He just didn't like showing that he had a soft spot.
“Hey R, uh, I was thinking about the election again on my way home...”
“Don't let it get to your head. Besides, even in the slim chance that you might actually become president, it's not like it's all that big a deal. We're only sophomores, remember? Senior class president, now that would be a big thing. I mean, you might have to give a speech or two but not anything spectacular. Really. Hey, I gotta go, Bryn and I are going to go to the college, she needs to get something from her dorm or something like that... hey, do you wanna come?”
“No thanks. I mean, your sister's cool and everything, but I just want some time alone, I guess.”
“Don't sweat it. See you tomorrow - don't have a cow. Bye.”
There was a click, and the dial tone came on. Conversation over. I sighed, flopping down on my bed. I thought about what R had said. He was right, again. It wasn't a big deal. So why was I so very worried about it? My brain didn't make any sense.
“Sometimes I wish I wasn't so shy.” I said out loud, talking to myself, since I was my only companion present. “I mean, R isn't very shy at all. I just don't know how to not be shy, though. It's like I tell my mom all the time, it's not a choice, it's just how I'm built.”
Another sigh escaped my lips and I also moaned. I was so pathetic. I sat up, went downstairs to the computer room, and logged on to my various social networking sites I had joined. 130 friends on one. 200 on another. I knew plenty of people. Yet, I was only myself around R.
I scanned through my friends list, looking at the names.
Adam...
Andrew...
Bethany...
Christina...
Corbin...
Daniel...
I scrolled faster.
Mark, Meagan, Nicole, Jacob, Harry, all of them people I knew, most of them classmates or at least school-mates. Why weren't they my friends?
Rupert. R. He was my friend. Sophia. She might be my friend, if I wasn't so shy. James and Kyle. They had been on the track team with me last year. They both got medals, I got a ribbon. I sighed again, this time in frustration.
Shy.
Such a small word, but it held big meaning for me.
It was part of who I was, and I couldn't change that, not completely.
I hopped out of my small wooden chair, being sure to log out of everything so my mom couldn't come and look at my stuff.
“Mom! I'm going for a walk!” I yelled, and grabbed a light jacket.
The weather outside was pleasant, brisk, not quite cold enough to need a coat. I wandered aimlessly, in the direction of town.
I lived just on the edges of the small city, in one subdivision of many. R lived in another one, in walking distance of mine, but I wasn't going in his direction. I knew he would be gone, anyway, with his big sister Bryn. They spent a lot of time together, making me wish I wasn't an only child. His sister was really cool, also. She was in college, and that made her automatically better than R and I. But she still spent time with us. She even acted like we were her friends - not just R, but me, too! She would tease me and make me blush. Yes, Bryn was pretty great. But I wasn't in the mood to talk to her right then, for some reason I wasn't even quite sure of myself.
I ended up going to one of the local parks, and I sat alone on the swing for a while. I felt close to the edge of depression, which was strange, because my life wasn't going that badly. Besides the thing with being nominated, which seemed a distant threat in my mind by then, things were quite normal. But I wasn't satisfied. I trudged my feet back and forth, making lines in the bark dust that covered the ground beneath the swings. It wasn't until I heard two male voices muttering rather close to me that I remembered I wasn't alone in the park. I still didn't look up, though. Until I heard my name. I could barely make it out, but someone was definitely saying my name. I looked up, and saw the source of the two voices I had heard. Two teenage boys around my age, standing about 20 feet away from where I was. I recognized them immediately.
James, from the track team, and his best friend Micheal, who I didn't know very well. I had forgotten that the park was sometimes a teen hangout, but I looked around and saw several other groups of youth close to my age, and younger. Not even that many little kids were there, I guessed most of them would go to the big park in the middle of town, which had the most play equipment. I heard my name muttered once more, and it was making me feel nervous- and slightly vulnerable. It was a silly feeling, I told myself, and I stared at my feet, trying to ignore them so they would think I hadn't noticed them standing there. But then, to my surprise, they came over. Standing right in front of me.