Chapter eleven

11.

Lunch time rolled around eventually, and I searched the cafeteria, looking for Sophia and R. I assumed they would be together, but since I saw neither of them, I guessed maybe they had brought bad lunches and taken them outside to eat. I was just stepping out the main door when I heard a shout behind me.
“Shane! Wait up!”
Instead of turning around to see who it was, I simply waited. I would just tell them that I wasn't available, and then search around some more to try and find my two friends, Shane and Sophia.
When they caught up with me, I looked to see who it was. It was James, so I gave him as friendly a smile as I could muster, and was about to explain to him that I couldn't talk, but he spoke up before I could.
“Look, I need to talk to you. And it's kind of important. ...And kind of private.”
I looked around. Not many people were roaming the hallways, but still there was the chance that somebody might overhear us. I weighed my options, and decided that if James needed to talk to me about something important, than I would listen. Besides, R had Sophia, right? So I nodded my head quickly.
“All right, fine, but where can we go? And can you please make it quick, because I'm hungry!” People should stop needing to talk so badly at lunchtime, I thought. James chuckled a little, but then he stopped, like he was thinking.
“Come with me.”
He started walking pretty fast away from the doorway, and I hurried to keep up. His legs were much longer than mine, and I was in a little worse shape then him, what with me not being on the track team that year. But I kept up well enough. He led me down one hallway, and then another, making lots of turns and going very fast until I wasn't really sure where we were. Then he opened up a door and ducked inside. At first I was wary, but I didn't want to be stuck standing in the hall all by myself, so I followed suit.
We were in a class room, a pretty small one, but the light was turned off so I couldn't exactly tell what room it was. It didn't seem familiar at all, though.
“What room is this?” I asked.
“Arts and crafts,” he grinned. My eyes were eventually adjusting to the dark room, so I could make out a few figures that looked like they might be easels.
“Interesting. But why are we in here? Won't someone find us?”
“Nope, art class isn't until 7th period.” He was still grinning, I could tell. He found something about all this immensely amusing, and I wasn't sure what. But then James grabbed my arm and was dragging me further into the dark classroom, to a dark spot I couldn't see around in.
“What are you doing?”
All of a sudden I had the feeling of terror, like James had brought me in there to beat me up or rob me (not that I had any money on me or anything...) or something else of an unfriendly sort. Because, a dark room is perfect for preforming a dark deed, right? I started resisting his pull, but he kept dragging me on, and then, he opened another door and shoved me into it. Was he just going to lock me in here, to humiliate me? Because, when I actually thought about it, that would probably be worse than beating me up. Embarrassing me in front of a bunch of people. But then he shut himself inside the closet, too, and the next thing I knew he had flipped a switch and I had to blink my eyes as light flooded the small space. I was about to ask him what he was doing, when he answered my question for me.
“Now we can be sure that no one will hear us.”
I sighed, relieved, but also exasperated.
“Couldn't we just have gone into the bathroom or something?” He laughed, but then his mood turned serious, and I could tell he was ready to talk.
“Shane, I want you to keep an open mind while I tell you this, okay?”
“Yeah, okay, now can you hurry this up?”
His face turned a shade darker, his expression a bit more serious, and even a bit sad.
“I know you're best friends with that R guy, right?”
“Yes... but what does that have to do with anything?”
“And he just found out that his mom has cancer.”
I couldn't quite tell if he was stating a fact, or asking a question.
“Yes. Gosh, I'm so confused.”
“Sorry about that. I just don't really know what the best way to say this is. Can I have a minute to think?”
“Um, sure?”
I watched James as he paced back and forth in our confined space. The closet was quite small, he could only take about three steps before turning and pacing the other direction. The walls were made up of shelves, filled with art materials of all kinds, anything you could ever want. I felt like humming the Jeopardy theme song, but of course I didn't. I was so confused. I knew that James wanted to talk to me about R, and something that also had to do with his mom. But why would James want to talk about that? I hadn't even known that James knew R. But he seemed to. He also knew we were best friends, which surprised me a bit, too, even though it wasn't a secret, I didn't know it was public knowledge. Because that would also make me public knowledge, and truthfully that thought scared me out of my wits. But, I consoled myself, it's probably just because James is my friend. So he knows about me. Duh. But even that thought didn't comfort me completely.
James was still pacing back and forth, and I wondered what he could possibly be thinking about so intently. It was like he didn't even know I was there anymore. But I took that opportunity to watch him. He was my friend and everything, but I really didn't know all that much about him, and I had learned from experience that you can learn a lot about a person just by watching him. But normally, if you're caught staring at someone, it seems pretty weird, of course. So I usually don't go around just staring at everybody, trying to figure out what they're like. But I figured that James was too far lost in his own thoughts to even notice me, and if he did, maybe he'd snap out of it and actually tell me what was going on. After all, lunch hour doesn't last forever, and I didn't really want to be late for my class, and have to walk in through the middle of the room with about a million sets of eyes focused on me.
Well, it wouldn't be a million, of course, but it would seem like it to me.
I watched James' expression, but it was mostly blank. His mouth was set firmly, but when I looked at it for a bit longer, I noticed his lips were actually twitching a little. Just very slightly, though. Almost as if they couldn't decide what shape they wanted to make, what emotion to express. Happiness, or sadness, or just something neutral. The rest of his face seemed set, too, like stone. Like they wouldn't change unless the lips did first. But when I looked at his eyes, that was when I was the most surprised.
He had the type of eyes that girls are always either falling in love with or wishing they had themselves. Something about them was just deep, like a bottomless pool of emotion, showing right into his very soul. I felt really stupid right after I thought that thought, but it was true. But, in my true nature, I started getting embarrassed that I was staring at his face so much, so instead I stared down at my feet. I was still wearing my favorite pair of black Converse, and I remembered back to that morning when I had put them on. I was still just as confused as I had been then, only in a different way. Isn't life EVER clear? I wondered. My mind started drifting, and I found myself thinking back to the day that I had first met James...
It was my freshman year of high school, and I was even more nervous than I was in my sophomore year. At our first track practice, I was practically shaking the whole time, especially since R wasn't there to help calm me down. But I tried my best not to let it show, to just act cool. And I thought I was doing a pretty good job. Our coach, Coach Cliff, as we affectionately called him, had just decided us up into groups for different categories, like long jump, high jump, 50-meter dash, and so on. I was in the 100-meter run group, since that was my specialty. There were about four guys in that group, and one girl. Then we were all instructed to introduce ourselves to each other, since we would be getting to know each other pretty well in the next year, as Coach Cliff said. I continued trying to hide my nervous state as I watched the other girls and boys introduce themselves to people. But I guess I wasn't, because soon enough, a voice from behind made me jump. There was a laugh.
“Wow, nice one. Maybe you should try out for the high jump instead of this run!”
I turned slowly, to see who I was talking to. One of my teammates. He had brown hair, darker than mine, more like a chestnut brown. A kind face, and striking deep blue eyes.
“Um, what?” My voice squeaked when I talked.
“Ha ha! Just kidding. I'm James, and you must be Nervous.”
“Uh, actually my name's Shane. And I'll admit I am nervous, since you seem to have noticed that already.”
He laughed again, shook my hand once and smiled, and then walked off to join a big blond-haired boy. I was glad at first, but then I realized that they were both walking towards me.
“Hey Shane, meet my friend Kyle. We'll all be in this boat together this year, so we'd better get to know each other, right? Just like coach says, huh?” They both laughed, and I forced myself to join them, even though I didn't find anything particularly funny. Then they both invited me to come over and meet the other three team members that would be doing the 100-meter, so I said yes. I couldn't really say no, could I? I went over and was introduced to Jeff, Dave, and Joyce. We hung around in a little circle for a while, before Coach Cliff paid some attention to us and gave us warm-ups to do. And that was the first time I had met James.
For the first time in a while, I wondered why James had sought me out and befriended me. Because he was a pretty cool guy, who could be very popular if he wanted to be. I mean, he already had plenty of friends, but I'm talking about the kind of popular that's always stereotyped, but always exists, of course. But he didn't. He picked me to be his friend. It was strange, mind-boggling to an extent. But I was glad that he wanted to be my friend. Or at least, I thought so. But none of my thoughts were really going straight at that time. Especially ones about James, and R, and Sophia, and R's mom, and, well, just everything. Everything on my roller coaster was going 500 miles an hour, I decided. And it was unnerving.
All of a sudden, James stopped pacing. He jolted me back to my sense with a loud voice.
“Gosh, what is wrong with me?”
“James, what are you talking about? Seriously, can we just go eat lunch, please? I'm starved. Besides, what do you even want to tell me? It can't be that important, can it?”
He looked conflicted, torn between two different things. “I'm not sure. I don't want to spread a stupid rumor or make you worry or anything.”
I was still confused, but now I was also worried. If he didn't want to make me worry, then why were we standing cramped together in a small closet during lunch hour? But the thing that worried me the most was that I was pretty sure whatever he had to tell me was about R. I became almost frantic.
“You have to tell me. Please. If it's about R, I should know. Besides, you've already worried me, a lot!”
“Okay, fine. But take this all in stride, okay? Because I don't actually know if it's for sure true. But, anyway... Kyle told me that he heard your friend R and somebody else talking in the guy's bathroom. Now, I don't know what exactly they said, but R was saying something about he didn't even care about living anymore, and then the other guy, whoever it was, I don't know, anyway, the other guy offered him 'a release from it all'. And Kyle didn't hear R's response, if he did respond. So, I don't know what any of this might mean, but I think you need to watch out for R, Shane. He might be getting mixed up in some serious stuff.”
“Hah!” A burst of air escaped my lips before I could stop it, or even try to stop it. “Sorry. But come on, James, you really think R is contemplating suicide? Or drugs?”
“I didn't say that. It might not even be drugs, but it could be. I'm just saying, I think he might be getting into some trouble, and you should watch out. Who knows, maybe you could help him. And I wasn't even there, so Kyle might have been mistaken. I just thought you should know, okay?”
“Fine. Whatever. But you're wrong, I know you are. He wouldn't get into anything like that, ever. I know him.”
“Okay, if you're so sure... let's just get out of here, huh? I'm pretty hungry, too.”
“Gladly.”
We exited the closet, and the room, and I would gladly have escaped from James then if I hadn't needed to follow him to find the way back to where we had met. I followed him that far, and we parted ways. He still looked very worried, especially after I had brushed him off so quickly.
Why does he freaking care so much about R? He's MY best friend, after all. James barely knows him. I'm the one who knows R really well. And I know he wouldn't any junk like, well, anything! …I think...
I started actually thinking about what James had said. He wouldn't lie to me, would he? And Kyle wouldn't lie to James. So maybe James had a point. But he had also said that Kyle hadn't heard R's response. R could have said no. I spotted him sitting outside on a bench, with Sophia, of course. I gulped, and took a big breath of fresh air before hurrying my way over there.